Lasr week passed me by again,
Unlikely as that was
It could have been a “blast”
But it was so hard!
An epic struggle,
Survival was a constant question,
Wasn’t disappointed there,
But in terms of quality of life (in the future)
Was told to beware
Very disappointing,
Almost haunting,
Only the exercise of faith,
Will get me through this short disappointing race!
Not doing well right now,
Future quality of life.
More important to me.
Than survival feels right now?
Endure I must,
Never know where life will take me,
Can’t see the future right now,
If you must know,
But I imagine what I should expect,
And what I want to see,
Often leading to bitter disappointments too,
Because of hopes and dreams,
Which we should not have entertained,
Much less sought for,
But it’s the nature of life,
And the and the human condition.
My mistakes may still be short-term,
Won’t know till I the results are seen,
And like all the rest,
Hope to see the truth,
And accept it.
Much better than expected,
Sweeter than anticipated,
Only time will tell,
And time has been kind to me
All for now.
In spite of what I say,
Or the pains I express,
This time has still been the defining moment,
Of my entire life,
Made me a better man,
That what I was,
Or thought I could be,
And even who I am,
In some mysterious way,
I fail to understand!
Wednesday
Just started to eat again. Such pain. I thought I was a dead man this time even though now I am “cancer free”. I’m definitely not disease-free. This whole process has done great damage to me physically. The jury is still out regarding how much of my former strength can be recovered and what I’ll be able to do. I’m very weak right now.
Thursday
That was a poor attempt at self-expression while very sick. Maybe some of what I intended came across?
There have been some very difficult days this week but I’m feeling very different today. So much better. It’s hard for me to believe that I’m the same person that I was on Monday I feel so much better today. If I can eat well and exercise today and tomorrow maybe I can get out of here. I eat so much better at home.
Need to be able to walk too. If I can “stuff” my brace perhaps I can get the right “angles” that I need to be able to walk enough to make a difference?
Friday
Tried fixing the brace. Worked reasonably well. Both my appetite and my strength are coming back. Feeling better is a relief.
Saturday
My brother arrived today from New Mexico with his wife Susan. Should see both of them tomorrow. Looking forward to it.
I’m fighting foolishly with the staff but I am definitely feeling stronger again. All this give me more hope.
Sunday
Scott and Susan came and saw me today. It was great to see them. I’d love to see them with prospering more than they are! They’ll be back tomorrow. Time to publish. Good night! This was a happy day! Should be going home on Wednesday!
