This leukemia, although very difficult, has been a great blessing to me in my life. It’s been a wakeup call highlighting what is important in my life. It’s obvious to me that family is the most important thing in life. I knew that before I got leukemia. Love, as expressed through service and kind acts, is of the essence. I’ve seen some wonderful and selfless service under many sets of circumstances.
When I survive this, and I believe I will, how will this play out? Will everything simply slip back into old familiar patterns or will I find new opportunities and different possibilities? The old question of “What am I going to do when I grow up” keeps raising it’ ugly head.
How do you decide it’s what you want to do unless you know what that is? Starting over again, regardless of your age, is a daunting prospect. Yet, with leukemia, and other life-changing and traumatic illnesses it happens all of the time. Worst part of it all, you never know for certain, whether the disease is coming back or not?
I suppose the only answer to the last question is to simply to accept each day for the gift that it is. For me, the remainder of those issues are open to examination. Personally, I know that I need to write.
I chose not to write for many years. Now, I’ve reached a point where writing has become a compulsion for me. The raw talent is there but I never developed it to the extent that I might have. I have a lot of catching up to do if I intend to pursue this course seriously.
I already know that my writing has some commercial value. I’ve seen that already. I suspect that will remain more or less static unless I can boost my production levels and showcase my skills in more lucrative markets.
I enjoy writing many things. Sometimes I’m a gifted (although very impatient) poet. I write philosophically and politically as well.
I was surprised to find just how much I enjoy writing tweets for twitter, especially political ones. Don’t know what to do with that. Is there an avenue to be pursued there? Then, there is also the issue of time. How much time do you have left to pursue you’re passions? How committed are you to what you want to do? Is it really as important to you as you think it is? Those are the questions to which, at present, I have no answers.
Writing this blog is an experiment. To do it right, requires a balance and dedication that I’ve been unable to replicate on a continuing basis. I want to be able to document what happened. In spite of that, I get sidetracked very easily. Some of that may be the leukemia (chemo-brain) and the rest of it is probably personality.
The most important role in life appears to be service through self-expression. All of us have a need to add value but we all have a different idea of how to do this.