I was doing reasonably well for the last few days and then I started getting sick I didn’t feel well but I couldn’t tell why. This has been going on now for a couple of days. Gradually getting sicker but no idea exactly why. I’m sicker tonight than I have been in a long time. My mind is clouded and almost my whole body is in pain. My back and neck look like a lobster. My arms are covered with strange mottled red marks. I’m having diarrhea about 10 or 15 minutes. Feel as though I’m hung over.
Saw the doctor today. She thinks this is a continuation of the graft versus host disease that started before I left the hospital (at a minimal intensity). This isn’t minimal. realize that it could get a great deal worse. I’m feeling the pain. I’m almost overwhelmed and I know that this is just a “touch” of what could come.
I’m not very tolerant of pain. I was almost overwhelmed today. It doesn’t take long for something like this to break me down. I’m getting so tired of getting sick! Every time I start feeling better then something else comes along. I’m tired. I’m old. I’m feeling the pain. It’s so hard to keep perspective even when you know you’ll come out the other side of every crisis. Perspective is so difficult to keep. Time to get my attitude under control and get the help that I need to minimize the discomfort so that I can keep perspective.