Here I am again. In spite of my doubts about my ability to write consistently or spiritually enough to be of benefit.
Have heard people comment that you have to be brave to do fight on. Really, you don’t. You just have to be here. You might ask, how can that be?
Well, it’s like this. There’s this mythic beast bearing down on you. You can’t escape it or overpower it on your own. It knows no fear, only yours! Left alone, Leukemia All will kill me. It will do it with my own strength.
So, I do this:(Figuratively)
I run at it screaming with whatever weapon I can lay my hands on. When I reach it, I do it whatever possible harm I can (virtually nothing).
Then, when I have nothing left, I collapse and the leukemia goes back to regenerate itself with whatever resources I have left.
What I provide is a willingness to keep on trying. I’m thankful to be able to do it. It’s the only act of defiance that remains to me. The irony of it is that leukemia’s lethality is me! Whatever it does to me, I’ve actually done to myself! Couldn’t get much much frustrating than that!
Having said all that and beginning a cancer blog negatively today, let me say this! In so many ways this is the greatest experience of my life and I wouldn’t undo what has happened to me up to this point. It’s a mixture of spirituality, pain, anxiety, and incredible faith-inspiring experiences! And, as I’ve said before, this is perhaps the best of all possible lives for me. I expect to outlive the leukemia but not because of any virtue that is in me!
Stem cell or bone graft infusion is your best bet. I believe it works for most people with a good chance of total chance of recovery for many!
That’s the good news. The bad news is that pursuing this fight can be an incredibly uncomfortable process. They say this whole thing works better for younger people. I hoe they’re right.
First thing this morning I picked up the wrong blood labs. It looked as though my stem cells were working! Turned out, I had picked up my labs from when I was admitted. Yes, I was crushed! Still showing zero on white blood count. That’s anxiety producing.
I just noticed that my niece Katherine hasn’t been in to the hospital to see me today. Too bad, because I miss her! Haven’t had the chance to see her for quite a few years!
I want the opportunity to see her parents too! If all goes well, I could be out of the hospital by a week from this coming Sunday!
I’m feeling better. Eating well. Working out Enjoying the people around me. Simple pleasures appear to trump the high life again! Hope everyone has a good night!